April 7, 2014

Lost

Have you ever felt lost?

Like you have been walking aimlessly for hours just staring at the sidewalk, and when you finally look up you realize you have no idea where you are? Like you are driving through a new city without a map or even an address of the destination you are trying to get to?

That is the kind of “lost” I have felt recently.

Lost. A little confused.

That's not a good feeling, Mommy.

And it’s not the kind of “lost” where I want to just give up and keep going in the wrong direction either, or in no direction at all. My goal is never to move “wherever the wind takes me.” (I’m a little too Type A for that.) 

But it’s the kind of “lost” where I have a lot of questions. 

A lot of questions I haven’t asked myself in far too long and make me realize I have been wandering a little too aimlessly. Questions like:

How should I be reading Scripture? Do I just read random passages and hope my brain is interpreting it the right way? Do I look for commentaries and trust the author’s interpretations?

What beliefs do I have that are rooted more in human tradition rather than in Biblical truth?

How do I handle my convictions in a world (and church?) where absolute truth is being replaced with relevancy?

And even when I know my beliefs, how do I handle the times when they are in debate? What convictions do I have that are the kind where I can “agree to disagree," and which ones are non-negotiable?

What specific actions do my convictions require? In what ways am I being too passive or apathetic about the world that is so obviously lost and spinning out of control?

All of these questions (a results of some great conversation after the last post Black + White = A whole lot of Gray) make me realize that there are a few areas in my life where I have not been paying enough attention to recently. 

And all of the sudden I want to stop wandering and start steering again. Or more accurately, let Christ start steering again. (“Jesus, Take the Wheel,” anyone?)

But it's so much to take in and digest, so much to  think about. Which sometimes still leaves me feeling a little lost. Because where do I even start?

And then we went to church yesterday morning.

I realize that God is everywhere and not just at church, but there is something about going to church on Sunday mornings and all distractions being shut out. No computers (minus the pastor’s iPad that he preaches from), no phones (minus my pew neighbor who deemed it necessary to answer his during the service), and no to-do lists (minus the mental one that requires extra effort for me to turn off.)

Okay, so not all distractions are easily shut out. But today, I intentionally shut them out. I intentionally met God for worship, for a message, for communion.

And amidst all the feelings of being lost, of all the confusion of wondering where to go from here with all of my questions, I heard God’s promises washing comfort over me once again. Reminding me that when I am seeking answers to my questions, seeking Truth, I am never lost.

Acknowledge the God of your father, and serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you.

And as I took the bread and drank the cup, I felt God saying back to me, “You are found.”

You see, at just the right time when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us.

Peek-a-boo. God found you.

Christ’s body and blood, His death and resurrection, they find me wherever I might be: totally lost, a little confused, or just wandering aimlessly. Like that one lost coin, that one lost sheep, He search, finds, and rejoices over me, even though I am far from worthy of such attention and love.

So I will continue to seek Him, resting in His promise that He will be found…that He will find me. I will search for truth, search for answers to all my questions written above.

How can a person stay on the path of purity? By living according to Your word.  I seek You with all my heart; do not let me stray from Your commands.

I will ask for wisdom. Because just as there is wisdom, there is folly threatening to sneak in and send me wandering.

Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths or walk in dark ways.

I will seek Truth. Because just as there is truth, there is deception threatening to grow up like a patch of thorns and choke the truth out of my life.

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me.

And will I knock, remembering Christ’s promise that the door will be opened.

Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Grace and Peace,
Kendra