November 12, 2013

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was a rough day.

And when I say “rough day,” I’m not talking about one big, horrible, life-changing event that is actually “rough.” I’m talking about lots of teeny tiny things that happen and screech your brain like nails on a chalkboard or a hair in your sandwich. Think Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

So let me complain and tell you all about it.

It started with not enough sleep. No, it wasn't Jocelyn's fault. It was bad dreams about tarantulas climbing up my pajama pants. (Yes, my nightmares almost always include spiders. You try sleeping while there are tarantulas crawling up your pajama pants.) 

In the morning I woke up with a crick in my neck, and a little diarrhea. (Oh wait, is there actually such thing as “a little” diarrhea?)

Halfway through my much-needed shower, Jocelyn woke up screaming from her nap. As I rushed out of the shower, I realized there were no towels in the bathroom, and that the closest towels were two rooms over. (Which made for one chilly streak to two rooms over.)

And after Jocelyn’s much-needed bath, she pooped through her diaper onto her clean clothes.

And for some reason on this day, I stopped enjoying nursing for a little bit. I think it's like a cruel joke that the child you are struggling to care for also has to literally be attached to you for 8 hours of the day. And pumping is not much better. Pumping is the cruel joke of making moms everywhere feel like cows on a dairy farm, hooked up to loud machines making weird noises.

But later, I pumped four ounces of milk for Collin to feed Jocelyn her first bottle.  Three out of the four ounces of that liquid gold spilled onto our bed.

In the afternoon, I began researching how much milk I would have to pump for Jocelyn when Collin and I take a trip to Mexico for our adult-only family vacation. And all of the mommy forums were full of mommies who “can’t even IMAGINE leaving one of their children behind to take a trip before they are two years old,” and how “there would be NO WAY they could leave their 7 month old behind,” and how “it would take a medical emergency like surgery or a coma for me to leave their 7 month old overnight, let alone a week!” (But laying on the beach at an all-inclusive resort for a week will kind of be like a coma, right?)

And to make myself feel a little better, I thought I would start a 30 Day Fitness Challenge. You know, simple exercises to make my post-pregnancy body a little less soft and saggy in areas that didn't used to be so soft and saggy. Well, doing crunches after having a baby does not actually make you feel better about yourself, but actually a little worse. What once used to be a nice, smooth crunch is now more like the jerky climb up the first hill of an old wooden roller coaster.

In the evening, Jocelyn cried for an hour and wouldn't fall asleep for her usual cat nap.

And later she peed through her diaper all over her clean pajamas. (Apparently we need to try different diapers?)

And then I looked at Jocelyn and saw once again that her head is getting flat in the back from “sleeping too long in the same position,” or whatever. And we try to move her head and make her sleep on a different side and everything. But my vain mommy self thinks “What if she ends up having to wear one of those stupid helmets someday?”

And sometimes being a #SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom…I just learned that this week) is really not that fun, and it’s kind of terrible-awful, and the same old routines get boring, and it makes me miss teaching every day, and I feel like I might go crazy if I spend another day in our house, and I think I just might move to Australia with Alexander.

But in no way do I regret our decisions. In no way am I ungrateful for the opportunity to stay home with Jocelyn every day. In no way am I not "enjoying every moment while they are this little" like every grandma tries to remind you. In no way do I hate being a mom. It’s just that today was not the best of “mommy” days.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to admit we have bad days, and that not every day is perfect or Facebook status worthy. I mean, I could always write a status update like the following: “Jocelyn woke up today! And then she nursed for about 10 minutes on each side. And then I changed her diaper. It was SOOO wet, so I threw the diaper in the trash. Then she played with a rattle for about 20 seconds and threw it on the ground. And an hour later it was nap time. She slept for 45 seconds. But then she woke up again! And started screaming!”

(Let’s be honest, some of our Facebook friends would find that status-worthy, but that’s an entirely different conversation.)

So I would like to raise a glass (hopefully of something with a little alcohol in it…) and make a toast to everyone else out there who had a rough and crappy day. No judgment. No superficial, overly-enthusiastic, or annoying tips on how to make your day better. Just a “yeah that kinda sucks,” and “let’s all hope for a better day tomorrow.”


And yes, usually this sweet face is pretty easy to love.